I decided to do a quick bit on the year in gaming for no better reason than to show Zinia that this site DOES have some gaming relevance! So here goes!

• WoW continued it’s astounding subscription numbers with over 8,000,000 subscribed proving that either there are no better alternatives or people really will pony up a monthly fee to sit on their ass for hours of a day making their virtual characters life better than their own. Get some sun freaks! How many more months of subscribing is it going to take you to realize that WoW is just the same shit repackaged and force-fed to you every 10 levels? You can hit level 70 but you’re still a loser. Oh yeah, and girls who game are lame. The only reason gamers want a girlfriend who games is so they can pursue their own selfish desires with the added fantasy of getting some sex on the side. Continue sitting in your room and losing touch with society. Getting a girlfriend will not change the fact that you have absolutely no idea how to satisfy a woman. Want to get a girlfriend? Cancel your subscription, make some friends, and go outside and MEET THEM! I could never date a girl who spends all her time playing WoW. Why? Cause she’s a loser. If her biggest ambition in life is to complete a set of armor, that girl has absolutely NOTHING to offer me.
• The PS3 finally began picking up sales momentum although it was a huge lesson learned: In a competitive market, as long as you can be the first product out of the gate, you can sell an inferior product, have it break about 30% of the time, and people will flock to it and actually believe it is better.
  • Face it already. The PS3 is a better machine than the 360. If both machines were released at the exact same time, things would be drastically different.
  • Imagine if 30% of the cars that Ford, Toyota, Nissan, and all the other car manufacturers made completely broke down. Would would the backlash be? Yet make a poorly designed console that fails 30% of the time and not only will these sad sons-a-bitches line up to buy a new one but they’ll continue to praise it. I bet if Bill Gates himself walked up to each one of these cretins, dropped his pants to his ankles, squatted over their faces and took a huge shit right into their open mouths, they’d ask for seconds. If the phrase, ‘Let the Buyer Beware’ has any inkling of truth, then Xbox360 purchasers must be bleeding from the asshole.
• The Wii is a repackaged Gamecube and the only reason it’s popular is because it’s easily digestible by people who would make shitty gamers. It’s major demographic markets are proof enough: children, the elderly, and social outcasts. Even further proof is that people have actually begun considering the Wii as an exercise machine! If you can’t get off your fat ass to jump on a treadmill or lift some weights, then you deserve to be fat you sock sniffing bog-trotter. No respectable gamer would be caught prancing around their living room wildly throwing their arms in the air and looking like an epileptic retard on a trampoline. Real gaming requires focus and complete stillness. I hope all you Wii-tards toss your controller through your $2,000 plasma screen. Oh yeah, I forgot. Not only does the Wii not have HDMI hookup which renders it’s label of ‘Next-Gen’ null and void, but chances are people who bought a Wii couldn’t afford a PS3 or Xbox360, nevermind a $2,000 plasma screen. Continue on with your lame gaming and don’t even think of bringing your mediocre skillz to, say, CoD4 on the PS3 network cause I’ll rape your face.
• There were a couple of mergers in the gaming world. I honestly couldn’t give a shit. As long as someone keeps feeding my gaming addiction. In the words of the Who: ‘Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.’ Give me some news that matters. Like how Duke Nukem is gonna make a comeback.
• 2KGames managed to piss off a small army of gamers when it made BioShock SM3.0 based but told no one about it. The requirements on the box didn’t state this and even had SM2.0 cards listed, further contributing to the major suckness of the situation. To add a nice vomit topping to the shit sandwich already created with this mess, BioShock was created with the UT3 engine which is SM2.0 compliant. 2KGames refused to a patch enabling SM2.0 compatibility (a move which I’m sure was fueled by generous ‘donations’ from nVidia), so a few gamers banded together and worked on some patches of their own which made the game playable, albeit not as pretty as it could be. 2KGames gets a big ‘Fuck You, Corporate Tools’ with a generous side of ‘Eat My Ass’.
• Jack Thompson continued on his pace to set a record in the Guinness Book of World Records for the man who lodged his head the furthest up his ass.
• Since acquiring ATI, AMD has run the graphics chip into the ground and both helped nVidia increase it’s market share and turned away customers. Myself included.
• Proving that a legion of people are indeed brain dead and cannot think for themselves, the over-hyped, overrated, and underachieving Halo 3 broke sales records proving to game developers that there is a third facet to the age-old gamer argument that Gameplay > Graphics. The proper hierarchy is: Bloated, Ugly, Boring, but overhyped refuse > Gameplay > Graphics. Honestly, the 360 gamers that bought Halo 3 did the entire gaming world a disservice and set us back 10 years by making that uninspired and soulless gay-fest into a best seller. Thanks for nothing assholes.

Got some stories or thoughts from the 2007 world of gaming you’d like to share? Comment, bitches!

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